# 172 Forget Not Your Enemies...

Remember this?

Readers, let this be a lesson learned-- you should never let your guard down.  If someone was once a public enemy, they will always be a public enemy and you should guard yourself around them, always being wary.  I'm sure that's in the Bible somewhere. 

I want you all to learn from my mistakes.  Its why I have this blog.  I knew this person was trouble.  I knew she was out to get me.  But I let her "let me buy you dinner, Jess" and "I want to come visit cause I miss you and Parker, doll" and "you're my favorite child" words fool me.  Those were empty, nonsense words, much like "balanced budget", "Paris Hilton" and "law school loans".  I've learned the hard way.  It hurts, but sometimes you have to come out of a dark place to find out who your friends are. 

She's baaaccck. 

It started this morning-- I'm taking sweet, innocent, precious Parker to the vet so she can get an allergy shot and a bath for her big weekend in Oxford.  All week long, we've been talking about going to visit Uncle Nick in Oxford.  She's been so excited.  Well, I've been talking about it-- Parker mostly lays there looking at me, and occassionally gets up and turns in a circle and lays a different way.  But I know that means she's excited.  She was also excited about getting to see her grandmother, my mother, the aforementioned Deb.  On the way to work this morning, I call mom, you know, just to tell her how much I love her and how great of a mother she is (I do this every morning), and mom answers the phone and says:

Deb:  I just read your stupid little blog and I think its awful and I am NOT Parker's Grandmother.

Me:  What?  Mom?  Hold on, I've just stoppped on the side of the road to move a turtle out of the way of traffic.  Ok, now, what?

Deb:  I'm NOT Parker's grandmother and you better not call me that ever again.

ME:  Mom?  What?  That's hurtful.  Parker loves you so much and she is a part of this family, and you are her grandmother.

Miss Hannigan:  No, I'm not.

Me:  Just a second-- I'm on-line paying for my "End World Hunger/Help a Kid Eat for a Month/Buy a kid a blanket" subscription.  Ok, Mom, you are her grandmother.  You are my mother.  She is my child.  Ergo, you are her grandmother.

Cruella:  No.  I'm not.  I don't want to be called that little brats grandmother.  Or any part of her family.

Me:  Then what are you to her?

Voldemort:  I don't care.  I don't want to even think of her or you.  You are both chuckleheads.  But I guess I could be her "friend".  That's all. 

Me:  Ouch, that hurts mom.  We love you so much.  Did you get our "We love you just because its Tuesday" card in the mail?

Joan Crawford:  Yeah, I threw it at a little old lady who was taking too long to cross the street with her walker.  I'm don't have any grandbabies-- thank goodness.  Parker is not related to me in anyway.  

Me: Oh, ok, well, that's really sad, Mom.  I'm really sorry I bothered you at work.  I know you are busy.  And I have to go help underprivileged children get money from their dead-beat dads.  I love you. 

Wicked Witch:  Whatever.  I don't care.  You or your little dog. 


As you can see, readers, its been a rough morning.  Parker's going to be in therapy for a long time-- being kicked out of the family for no reason.  I don't care-- she's MY dog, my baby, and therefore, she's part of this family.  So, since Mom won't allow herself to be called "grandma", I've thought of a few other names we could call her.  All of these names are used by someone to denote their "grandmother".  Since I value my reader's opinions, let me know which one of these Parker should call my mom from now on. 

Bampie

Nanoo

Babchi (prounounced Bop-chee)

Boowa

Noodle

Tink

Dutter

Weegie

Onie