My new neighbor...

is incredibly strange. His name is Evan. Evan lives in one of four apartments in a house two doors down from me on Hill, which is a dead-end street. I've seen Evan's truck parked outside the house for a while and I've even seen him coming outside a few times, but only recently did I have the pleasure of meeting Evan. Lucky me. First off, let me say that his truck has a small sign in the back window. Its obviously printed on a cheap printer and it indicates that all drivers should be aware that this vehicle is a US Census Worker's vehicle, and thus it will be making frequent stops. I don't know why I think its funny. Perhaps its the tacky, obviously homeade sign-- I mean, I am sure if the US Government could buy a SuperBowl commercial hyping the Census, then they could splurge for professionally printed signs to make drivers aware of the sudden and often stopping and starting dangers of their workers. Or maybe its the fact that I've never seen any other signs like this, or anything else similar, ever. Not even when Census reporting was in full swing. I'd like to think Evan uses this to impress people, or get a good parking spot at Logan's Steakhouse or somewhere.

Back to my meeting with Evan. Its middle of the afternoon and Nicholas has just left town to head back to Oxford. I am walking Parker, and as I usually try to do, I have guided her over to the empty house about 4 houses down from mine so she can do her business and then roll around in the grass (preferably not in the same area) and annoy me by wanting to stay outside when its ridiculously hot and I'm dressed for work.

Evan comes down the stairs and outside his house for a smoke break. Evan's probably early 20s and has shaggy, stringy hair and is wearing Jesus sandals. My dog Parker is a bit nosy and anytime anything happens anywhere near where she is, she has to stop, take in the situation (heh, "the situation") and watch until whatever is going on is over. She likes to know what's going on. We are similar in that respect. So, of course, Parker stops what she is doing and stares at Evan. She then decides she needs to sniff him and we walk over. We make introductions and he stops to pet Parker (which, I'll admit, is nice of him and I like it when people like my Parker. Because its like liking me! She's my best girl!!)

Below is what happened next, to my best recollection:

ME: Its nice to meet you. I live in the house on the corner. (Points to my house)

Evan: Yeah, I've seen you around. Do you live there? (points to empty house where, to be fair, is the direction I've come from, but is opposite the direction I just pointed when I said "I live there". Also, this house is entirely empty, and has been since I moved in over 2 years ago. The garage is empty and we can see directly into the garage.)

ME: No, I live there (points to my house. Again).

Evan: Oh did you just move in there? (points to EMPTY HOUSE. AGAIN).

ME: No, I live on the corner. There (points to my house). On the other side of your next door neighbor. The house with the fence.

Evan: Oh, okay. Yeah, I didn't think I knew you. I know lots of the other neighbors, including Mrs. Faye and the Cornell family. So, you live in the house with all the State stuff.

ME: The Ole Miss stuff?

Evan: Yeah, all the State stuff.

ME: Um, I live in the house with the Ole Miss stuff. We are big fans of OLE MISS (emphasis).

Evan: Yeah, yeah, I love State too. I'm going to law school there.

ME: To, um, (pause) Ole Miss? I went to law school there. I have an office here in Laurel. I work by myself.

Evan: Oh, you are an attorney. Who do you work for?

ME: I work by myself. I rent an office from a local attorney, but I'm a solo practitioner.

Evan: What firm do you work for?

ME: I, um, I work by myself. I don't work for anyone. I am solo.

Evan: That's awesome. I used to work for [insert name of local, liberal attorney that I don't know very well]. I'm going to law school. Well, I am planning on going-- I just took the LSAT and now I have to retake it soon and then apply. I made a 550 on the LSAT so hopefully I will do just as good this time. What did you make on the LSAT.

ME: [thinking-- the LSAT only goes up to 180. What is this guy talking about? What did I make on the LSAT? Am I crazy? I don't think I did very well, but I know I didn't take any test that goes to 550 or above. Am I losing my mind?] I made a 149.

Evan: Oh yeah, that's not very good.

ME: Yeah, it wasn't really good. It was on the low end of the average, but obviously it wasn't the LOWEST. I mean, cause I did GET IN (defensively) (thinking-- and you haven't gotten in, loser).

Evan: Oh, I took the practice LSAT! I made a 550 on the practice LSAT!! That's right! I've got to take the LSAT soon. Do you know so and so?

ME: No.

Evan: He is in law school right now. I met him when I became president of the USM Young Democrats after he was president.

ME: Huh. Yeah, I don't know him.

Evan: Well, its nice to meet you! Bye! (Waves brightly, throws his half-used cigarette down and goes back inside)

ME: (bewildered) Parker, let's go home right this minute. That guy is crazy.


I've seen Evan a couple times since then. He always waves brightly. I'm not really sure if our conversation was real or perhaps some liberal conspiracy plot to make me think I was going crazy. It kinda worked. I'm staying away from Evan. He gets me all confused.