I'm back!!!

So, it's been forever since I've blogged and lots of things are happening, changing. Its been a pretty stressful summer and I'm extremely ready for the fall. One of the things I'd like to see change in the fall is me. I'm ready for a fresh start. And part of my fresh start is to get back into being more creative. That is, thinking about things other than my little problems, my work and my family issues. I have a tendency to withdraw into myself when things are bad-- its a strange cycle-- I feel sad, I withdraw from my friends, stop communicating very often, stop making efforts to see them, stop doing things, and veg out in front of the tv. Which puts me in a really horrible mood, and then I feel lonely and sad and left out, which makes me even more withdrawn. Yeah, its a dumb cycle. I never said I was very smart! This summer has been a lot of that-- I'm finding myself watching ridiculous, brain-numbing television, fussing with my family, feeling guilty over not keeping in touch with friends, worrying about work to the point I can't sleep.

I'm tired of being this way so I'm going to make an effort to get things together in my life. I don't really have dreams. I've never been the type person to say, "I want to be xyz when I grow up" or "in my five year plan, I'd like to see abc happen". I've never known what I wanted to do or be or act like, and I still don't. I'm not entirely pleased with the circumstances of my life at this second and there is no one to blame but myself. I am now actively attempting to change those circumstances by trying to make my life better for myself and those around me. Although I've never had serious ambitions to be, say a doctor, or married with two kids, or even a lawyer, I've always wanted my life to be in control. My dreams consist of having a clean house, organized life, work of which I can be proud, an active social life (don't mean dating here, I mean, seeing people, throwing parties, going to parties, etc.) I just want to be in control of my life, instead of it controlling me, which happens most often.

This blog is me taking action. I'm going to try to post as often as possible (which will make all my readers to happy, I am sure!) and include ways I'm trying to improve my life. Here goes!!!