Confessions of a blogger....

Readers, I have a confession.  It's probably fairly obvious to avid readers of this blog that my blogs have been a bit, er, sporadic lately.  And if you are a regular reader of this blog and you have not noticed this, you have more serious problems that the fact that reading this blog is the highlight of you day!

Anyway, those who know me well can often tell if I'm in a bad mood, or if I'm going through a tough time because I tend to zone out-- ignore the things I love, avoid my issues, and stick to myself and my couch (which is sometimes quite a mess to clean up all that stickiness).

So, here's the confession.  I've found myself going through a tough time lately and its due to one thing-- I'm in an unhealthy relationship.  I've tried to ignore this.  I've tried to make it better.  I've tried to pull away and take some time to myself.  But nothing works.  Its with this person:

These pictures above were of us in a happier time.  Back then, we spent time together, we went out and did fun things.  For example, the second picture was after I'd had dinner in Oxford and Parker had spent the day hanging out with her sweet Uncle Nick.  Back then we had a good time together.  She was sweet, she was fun, she was adorable.

But eventually, we settled into a a more boring routine, and then, right before my eyes, Parker turned into this:

 

 

A lazy bum.  She lays on the couch all day long, sometimes moving into other places such as underneath the bedside table, or behind the pink chair in the living room.  Every morning I used to ask her if, while I was at  work, she would clean up around the house a little bit, or get stuff together for dinner, or at least pick up her toys around the room.  Everyday I return home and... nothing.  She's done nothing.

All the time, I tell her "you're so pretty", and "sweetest girl" and "did you get prettier while I was gone?" and she ignores me.  She's never once told me that I was pretty or sweet or anything.  She's never thanked me for anything I do for her-- not for getting her the cute outfits that she loves so much, not for anything.  

I even bought a fancy new queen-sized bed so she'd have more room.  How did she thank me?  She started going into the guest room and sleeping on the old bed.  

Every night I try not to disturb her when I'm getting up to go to the bathroom, or turning out the light.  She sighs and turns away from me.  

Every morning I wake up, sideways, falling off the bed, while she lays stretched out across the majority of the bed, with her feet in my face.  

I give her treats all the time and sometimes, when she's feeling a bit fine-haired, she ignores them as though they are not good enough for her, even though they are the most expensive treats I can buy at Walgreens.   But when she is interested in eating them, she doesn't just eat them-- no, first I have to throw them on the ground for her and if I don't throw it close enough to her, she just looks at me.  And looks at me.  And looks at me.  Until I kick it closer.  And closer.  And closer.  When its close enough, she will grab it, and run like crazy into the other room.  If I happen to follow behind her and go into the same room, she will stop where she is, and what she is doing, and stare at me, until I leave the room at which point she will resume eating.  Several times, we've had a battle of wills over there and she will always win-- its as though she doesn't trust me to let her keep her food.  As though I'm going to steal back the jerky treat I just gave her. 

I try to snuggle with her all the time and she immediately gets up and goes somewhere else.  The only time she's interested in snuggling?  In the morning when I'm getting ready for work (and usually wearing black so her fur gets all over me).  And then, I have to push her off of me to get up.  

She never says thank you.  She never says she loves me.  She never tells me I'm pretty.  She basically lays around all day and occasionally sits beside me, and stretches out on her back which means she wants a belly rub.

On the weekends, when we watch tv, she always gets most of the couch and I am forced to lay on the very edge, with her behind me, between my back and the back of the couch, where I'm about to fall off the couch.  Sometimes, she gets up, steps all over me, and proceeds to sit in one of her favorite places-- at the end of the couch, right beside the arm.  Which is, as you might can imagine, where my head usually is.  So then I cannot see the tv.  She does this a lot when she doesn't like the show I'm watching.  She prefers Gilmore Girls and Stargate Atlantis over Sister Wives and Hawaii 5-O.
 

Its something I've been denying for a long time-- perhaps out of embarrassment.  But now, I'm trying to be honest and open with my issues and trying to make our relationship healthier.  Its not going to be an easy process, and, unfortunately, my insurance doesn't seem to cover owner-pet counseling session (At least I don't think they cover those-- it was hard to tell over the laughter coming from the lady on the other side of the phone when I asked).  Now, I must get off the computer and go buy some new treats for Parker.  She's decided she no longer likes the kind I've been buying, so I better hurry before she gets mad.