Trick or Treat! Happy Halloween! Yep, I've been tricking all you folks lately with no blogs. But now, I'm treating you to a good one!!! Sorry for the lack of blog posting. If you didn't already know, I have an incredibly busy schedule of working, driving to work, snuggling with Parker, watching Project Runway, reading my magazines, sleeping, eating, trying not to have bad dreams about the zombies in The Walking Dead, driving to Cracker Barrel to meet my brother, taking Parker for long walks in the park, practicing my beauty pageant poses for Toddlers and Tiaras, driving home from work, decorating for Halloween, ignoring the many emails and texts I get about why I haven't posted a blog lately, etc.
For example, this weekend was a wild one here in the Delta. First, Parker and I watched The Alphabet Murders, a mystery written by Agatha Christie and starring Tony Randall. Was really funny. I'm into watching old movies lately and I spent a good portion of Saturday morning tivoing upcoming movies that look good. Then we made Rice Krispie treats with candy corn in them. Well, I made them and Parker watched me and occasionally ate any krispies that fell on the floor. Its nice not having to clean up after myself when I cook.
Then the real fun began. We loaded up, Candy Corn Rice Krispy Treats in hand, and headed up to another, close by, podunck County, for a Halloween bonfire! My friend, Madeline (names and places have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent) invited me to come to her house, meet her husband and her cute kiddos and some of her friends to roast hotdogs and smores and hang out. I was really excited-- I love doing stuff like that so I had been looking forward to this weekend for quite some time!
We got there about dark on Saturday night and the bonfire was already in full swing. I got to meet a lot of Madeline's friends, most of whom I'd heard stories about previously, so it was nice to put a face with the name. There were lots of kids there and several of them took a liking to Parker. Unfortunately for Parker, she has an excited bladder, meaning that she goes to the bathroom, on purpose, when she's excited. So Parker and her bladder got to hang out in the sunroom and watch all the fun from a distance.
After eating a huge bowl of deer meat chili, and getting to hang out with all Madeline's friends and family, the real fun began. And by real fun, I mean, we decided to roll yards. There were several young teenager/upper elementary kids that were there and at some point, it was determined that we needed to go roll yards. Now, I grew up in Newton. I've rolled many, many a yard. And I'm entirely not afraid of getting pulled over by the cops while rolling yards. But I was in a different county, different town, many, many hours from my town. So I was a bit apprehensive about this. My concerns seemed to be merited when Big Bird, the driver of our getaway vehicle (and local bank executive) asked me if I was up on my criminal law.
First we went climbed into the world's tallest blazer, where Madeline and I sat in the front. It was so tall that it was necessary for us to literally crawl up on our knees and then pull ourselves up onto the seat. We did that like a dozen times to let people in and out before we were smart enough to climb into the back for the rest of the night!
Down the road from Madeline lives some Teach For America people. TFA is a really big deal in this area-- they are trained at Delta State and many wind up living in the Delta, teaching in local schools. And while I'm sure they are a fantastic lot of kids, ready to save the world and all, sometimes, they come across, well, a bit snobby. TFA deserves its own post another day. Anyway, apparently, last year, Madeline and her crew went to roll a friends yard, and they actually messaged him to let him know, and he was totally fine with it. However, these TFA people, who lived next door, called the cops. So, this year was payback. We hop out of the car, and I hop out as well, and I get to rolling. And I'm doing a GREAT job. I mean, really fantastic. I'm standing near the vehicle and everyone else goes onto the other side of the house. And then, all the sudden, someone says, "um, Jessica, that's not their house. That's someone else's yard". Whoops-a-daisy! They gave me an "A" for effort, a "D" for "Follows Directions Well". That's the point when I retired my toliet paper rolls.
After we left that place, we went over to another house-- Madeline's friend Mitzi has a brother named Neil . Well, Neil lives nearby with his wife, and so we headed over to his house to roll it. At this point, we've really lost all ability to even pretend that we are decent yard-rollers, so we literally pull into his driveway without our really loud blazer truck and 6 really loud women and 2 loud kids. This isn't a long driveway, either. I jump out, put out some Halloween decorations that we'd picked up along the way (sorta like the Robin Hood of ghost windsocks and carved pumpkins) onto the porch, while a couple people attempt to roll the super tall tree in his yard. About 3 minutes later, Neil comes to the door, eating his dinner and laughing at us. We continue. He tells us we are really terrible yard-rollers and then goes back inside. We "finish" wrapping the tree since we'd given up trying to throw high enough to hit the branches, and we get back in the car. Which will no longer start.
So we have to call Neil back outside and he backs his car back up to jump us off. Now, the wheels have fallen off the wagon and the kids we've brought along are beginning to realize that we aren't super cool, fun adults who are going to take them rolling, but are instead a bunch of weird, super loud annoying people! We got a few other places, including to some dirt road where I accidentally almost slammed Madeline's leg in the door to avoid a dog that was apparently about half a mile away. Madeline was laughing too hard to actually explain that I was closing her leg in the door. Sorry about that, Madi!
After riding through the world's longest "shortcut" through the woods and mudpuddles at about 3 miles an hour, the kids lost all patience with us, and demanded to be taken home. I felt so sorry for them! But before we could head home, we decided to go roll the Hastings! Don't know the Hastings? Neither do I! But they live close to Madeline in a pretty nice house and, apparently have like 13 kids, all of whom have alphabetical names, beginning I and going through Q or something. By this time, Madeline and I have moved to the back with her friend Mitzi, and when we get to their house, the other three women jump out with the kids and start rolling. They were doing a great job when... the police car comes by. And stops. Big Bird, our driver, gets out to talk to the police officer. The police officer, whom apparently everyone knows. In fact, several people go over to talk to the officer! Who is parked in the middle of the road!
A few minutes later, some of the Hastings turn a light on or something, so the kids and a couple others jump into the car, and Madeline's friend, Grover, (who is the only adult dressed up-- as an oompa loompa, complete with orange face paint and green hair) jumps in the driver's seat and we take off, with one door still open. And three people still standing in the street by the police car. I'm like, "oh, um, should we go back and get them?" And the consensus is that no, the cop will bring them back. Sure enough, a few minutes after we get back to Madeline's the police car pulls up with our friends. And the officer says, "they told me to talk to the attorney". And I was like, "um, officer, can I help you?" And he's like, "yeah, get these idiots out of my car!" After a few complaints at the lack of leg room in the back, we were all safe and sound and un-arrested! We had a great time! I headed to bed soon thereafter and I think Madeline and her husband were right behind me. It was a super fun time!
(BLOGGER'S NOTE: This blog was edited, at Madeline's request, since she wants to keep her internet presence to a minimum when it comes to blogs about breaking the law. After a short argument wherein I tried to convince her that the only people who read my blog are my mom and my siblings, I relented and changed the names.)
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